“But if we kill Old Man Nickelback,” you reason, “won’t that make us as bad as he is?”

The ghost of Johnny Franzetta looks taken aback. “Huh? What kind of crybaby reasoning is that? Just kill the old man, kid!”

You take a stand, metaphorically and also literally. “No, I’m not going to do that. You see, I have always believed that violence is not the answer. I understand you’re feeling a lot of anger at being a disembodied spirit doomed to wander the earth for nearly a hundred years, but wasn’t it Martin Luther King who said –”

You never finish your sentence, as while you were boring everyone senseless with your tedious pontificating, Old Man Nickelback regained consciousness and knocked you out.

When you come to, you are sitting in the Ghost Train as it rattles towards the exit. Apart from a bump on the back of your head, everything seems to be normal. You shrug, and look forward to seeing your parents again.

However, the doors at the end swing open to reveal not the overpriced fairyfloss and open-mouthed clowns of the Easter Show, but the start of the ride again. You realise that you have been cursed by Old Man Nickelback to ride the Ghost Train for all eternity.

After going through the ride for the hundredth time, the magic of the Ghost Train has really been ruined for you, and in a way isn’t that the cruellest fate of all?

Yeah, probably.


Patrick Magee has taken the moral high ground. He can be followed on Twitter or you can like his page on Facebook.


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