How To Win A Tropfest

This script is a response to Matt Hardie’s Tropfest winning film Bamboozled.

EXT. BUS STOP – DAY

PETE is waiting for a bus. HELEN approaches from behind him.

HELEN: Pete? Pete Hastings?

Pete turns around.

PETE: Uh… yeah?

HELEN: Oh my God, this is so weird! How long has it been, ten years? You haven’t changed a bit!

Pete is confused.

PETE: Well, I… try to eat salad.

Helen laughs.

HELEN: I’d forgotten how funny you were!

There is an awkward pause.

HELEN: You have no idea who I am, do you?

PETE: No, I do, I…

HELEN: No no, that’s fine, of course you don’t, I’m an idiot… It’s me. Helen.

Pete steps back in disbelief.

PETE: Helen?

HELEN: Yeah. Helen Durack. We used to date.

PETE: But… Helen Durack was a white girl. You’re… you’re black. I mean you’re clearly… black.

HELEN: Yeah, I changed my race. Just woke up one morning and decided to go for it. Like a reverse Michael Jackson, I guess.

PETE: I’m pretty sure he had a genuine medical condition.

HELEN: Oh, whatever! It’s amazing what they can do these days. Hey… do you want to go for a drink?

There is a pause. Pete looks around, making up his mind, and then –

PETE: Yeah. Yeah, that’d be great.

They walk off together, Pete still looking unsure and a little intimidated.

MONTAGE: HELEN AND PETE AT VARIOUS PUBS AND BARS AROUND THE INNER WEST. THEY ARE SMILING, LAUGHING, SLOWLY GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER. HELEN STROKES PETE’S HAIR, AND WE FADE TO WHITE.

INT. PETE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Pete is lying on his bed, asleep. We pan out to reveal Helen sleeping next to him.

HELEN: Hey.

Pete wakes up.

PETE: Hey.

HELEN: Last night was incredible.

PETE: Yeah. Look, I’m pretty confused. I don’t usually sleep with people of other races…

Helen raises a finger to his lips.

HELEN: Shhh. I’ve got something to tell you. You’ve been BAMBOOZLED!

PETE: Wha..?

The door to the bedroom swings open, and a camera crew bursts in.

PETE: What’s going on?

HOST: Pete Hastings, you’ve been bamboozled! We just tricked you into sleeping with a black person!

HELEN: Ha ha ha, you totally banged me cos you thought I was your ex! (aggressively) You totally banged me.

The entire crew starts pointing and laughing at Pete.

CREW: You had sex with a black person! You had sex with a n****r!

Pete is humiliated.

FADE TO BLACK

Patrick Magee starred in the 2009 Tropfest-winning film Be My Brother. You can follow him on Twitter, like him on Facebook or buy his novel As Baile: A Story.

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One thought on “How To Win A Tropfest

  1. Pingback: Pulling My Finger Out: My New Year’s Resolutions | Patrick DoubleThreat Magee

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